i found my soul in rock n roll

Sometimes you don't realize that something is missing until you find it.

I love music, I like classic rock, hard rock, soft rock, punk rock, even emotionally independant rock. I like hip hop, rap, house, techno and if Johnny Cash is country then I like that too. But something happened. I don't know exactly when or why but I stopped listening to music.

I spend most of my work week sitting in traffic or on airplanes which gives me plenty of time to listen to my old favs and keep up on what's new, then a year and a half ago I got XM and Audible. Since then audio books and talk radio have come to consume my world, until last week. I was reaching for the XM button when my finger slipped to M1 where Johnny Ramone was hammering out the chorus to Needles and Pins and I realized what I have been missing. The emotion and inspiration found in music can not be matched by other mediums. Jared Diamond's exhastive exposé on the social dynamics of the Inuit is no match for Mike Diamond's 2.5 minute exploration of sexism among America's youth.

This is a confessional more then anything else. I feel guilty for letting such a large part of me slip away, I can't remember the last time I learned a new song on the guitar or bought a new CD. But tomorrow is a new day...

Who do they think they are?

I'm tired of people complaining about how overly conservative BYU is. I am BYU Alumni and while I was a student I did my fair share of complaining; but I am older and wiser now and I am embarrassed for some of my short sited criticisms. The fact of the matter is, BYU is a private school and has the right to make any restrictions or standards that it sees fit especially since its tuition is only $1,810 per semester for members and $3,620 for non LDS members. (USC tuition is $14,994/semester, UC Berkeley is $3,899/semester for residents and $13,241/semester for nonresidents.) If you don't like or do not want to live by the standards then transfer somewhere else. If you do/did attend somewhere else then you have nothing to complain about and your criticisms are petty and make you appear insecure about your own college education.

Another quick point I’d like to make is, from my experience, BYU's student body is much more conservative then its faculty. Any “liberal” BYU students must understand that if they are hoping to affect change it’s going to be an extremely up hill battle. I know this seems like a “no duh” blog but I think there are way more BYU haters then there needs to be.

WWJD

Would *Jesus support a policy of disproportionate response? Would Jesus think it appropriate to protect your property with lethal force. Would Jesus justify capital punishment. Would Jesus be a capitalist or a socialist? So what makes the "Christian Right" so Christian? (In the interest of full disclosure I find myself disagreeing with **Jesus on some of these issues, which is disturbing.)

My point; religion has no place in politics. Anytime the two get mixed religion ends up being trampled in the mud. History teaches us that most wars are the result of religious differences when in fact, religion is simply being used to justify man's lust for power and revenge. Islam is no more responsible for terrorism than Christianity is responsible for the Inquisition. The purpose of the separation of church and state is not to protect the state from the church, but to protect the church from the state.

I know this post was somewhat disjointed and far from eloquent, these are just a few things I've had on my mind this election season.


*Jesus is used metaphorically here; I’m using him, not as a rational, living, breathing man but as an over simplified culmination of his teachings. I do this with respect and with no intentions of blasphemy.
**Again, I am not disagreeing with Jesus (he happens to always be right) I just happen to find myself agreeing with things that my metaphorical Jesus would disagree with.

WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON!?

Some may wonder where the Pirates vs. Ninjas controversy started. Others may not be aware that such a controversy exists. I will begin by addressing the second group of people. WAKE UP! History’s greatest adversaries are battling right under your noses. Google it.

For the rest of you here is a brief history lesson. In 1803 the USS Philadelphia ran aground in the Bay of Tripoli and 300 sailors and Marines were taken hostage by Barbary Pirates and handed over to Tripoli’s leader, Bashaw Yussef Karamanli. In response Thomas Jefferson sent William Eaton to command a handful of Marines to free the hostages and attempt our nation’s first regime change. After hiring several assassins (Ninja) and mercenaries in Egypt, Eaton marched across the Sahara to begin the United States first overseas operation. Eaton was never able to claim a definitive victory because Jefferson withdrew his support, however the struggle between ninja and pirates continues today.

Few realize that pirates were fanatical Muslims who used the principle of Jihad to justify their violent acts. They were generally state sponsored by Arab kingdoms trying to spread the word of Allah and make a buck. The U.S. had its hands in the Middle East cookie jar long before the discovery of oil. Due to our severely depleted Post-Revolution military our founding fathers found it necessary to pay off countries like Tunis and Tripoli to keep pirates from attacking our ships and harbors. Through the efforts of brave men such as the infamous Captain Kidd (who was so ninja that everyone thought he was a pirate) we were eventually able to rid our oceans of these barnacle loving terrorists. However, in recent years we have seen a resurgence of the pirate propaganda machine, from blockbuster movies to children’s books they are recruiting supporters by the thousands.

The Ninja have always stood for honor, loyalty and awesomeness. The ninja have never attacked our country. (The ninja do not fly planes they depend on stealth and Chinese stars and therefore could not have been a part of Pearl Harbor or 9/11.) Ninja have been the heroes of Japanese culture, protecting small towns and farms from the Emperors forces. Ninja work in total anonymity, they do not boast of their accomplishments. Ninja do not pillage and plunder in fact they are very polite. The ninja ranks are dwindling; Hollywood has not made a ninja movie since American Ninja 5 in 1992, because of their extreme stealth their battles go unnoticed by the media.

It is almost impossible to become a ninja; you must be able to master stars, nun chucks, staff, scythe, darts, and disappearing. Luckily you don’t have to become a ninja to be ninja. The adjective “ninja” describes anyone who is totally sweet and hates pirates. George W. Bush once said “you are either with us or against us.” So my fellow ninja, hasta la revolucion!

Paula Zahn Smells Funny

I've been sitting in the Phoenix airport for the last three hours due to a canceled flight and I'm about to slit my wrists with my car keys. somebody thought it would be a good idea to blare CNN through every speaker in the airport and the only story they have covered is a congressman with a hardon for 16 year old boys. Does anybody care, is anybody surprised and is Wolf Blitzer a warewolf?

Yesterday I was disgusted by all the news coverage on the Omish funeral. Not because they were monopolizing on a tragedy but because they were all reporting on how the media was monoplizing on a tragedy. There was more coverage on the media covering the funeral then there was on the funeral.

My point here is one of the reasons Americans are so dumb and complacent is because our news is so dumb and complacement. (I base my belief that we are dumb and complacent on the fact that we re-elected Pres Bush and almost elected John Kerry: two of the dullest men in Washington.) We have been tricked into thinking that watching the news will keep us informed on current events and able to make educated decision. Bill O'Reily and Lou Dobbs have become our Aristotle & Socrates. We are only a couple of decades away from becoming the mindless automatons protrayed in so many sci-fi novels. I thinks its time for us to turn off our TVs and start trying to make a difference in the world. However; NFL is on Sunday, Monday and Thursday. college football is on Friday and Saturday and MLB platoffs are just getting started so maybe we should try to make a difference in a couple months. Besides, I just typed this whole thing on my Palm Treo with two oversized thumbs, I think I have done my part.

Peace out.

Don't put your trash in my backyard, my backyard is full.

This blogging is a bit harder then I expected. While I find it easy to make obtuse comments on other's posts, I can never seem to find the time to write posts of my own. Anyways, I've decided to write a little about where I live: California, more specifically Orange County.

In the following paragraphs I will explain why there is no better place in the U.S. than O.C. (it is not “The O.C.”, that is just retarded) and why nobody should ever live here.

I’ll begin with a few positives, the most obvious being the weather. In the summertime 80 is considered a hot day and in the winter 60 is a cold day. The humidity is mild year round and it only rains when it is supposed to (late winter to early spring) . Contrary to popular belief there are 4 seasons and if you want to see them you only have to drive an hour to Big Bear or Lake Arrowhead. No, there is no snow. If we were meant to live in the snow we would have fur and paws. Sure it’s pretty but nobody likes scraping it off their windshield or driving in it. If you really can’t live without a snowman it is only an hour away.

O.C. is safe and relatively crime free. This may sound absurd considering all of the gang violence and high speed chases on the news. However by designating certain areas where crime is tolerated if not welcome Sothern California has created some extremely safe communities. (The City of Compton’s Police force was disbanded in the mid 90’s while other cities such as Newport Beach and Irvine have a strikingly high number of police per capita).

This is getting a little lengthy so I’ll skip to the negatives. The main reason to avoid this place like the plagues is home prices. Currently you cannot find a detached home for under $5oo,ooo and if you want anything over 2000 sqft you are into the millions.

Coming in close second is traffic. California is home to five of the nations’s 20 most congested metro areas. The average American spends 62 hours a year in traffic delays. Times that by about 100 and you have the average Californian. I spend about 2 hours of every work day in traffic. (that is not total time on the road, that is total time going 20 mph or slower)

If that isn’t enough to keep you away consider the type of people that have called this place home: Paris Hilton, Larry Flint, David Hasselhoff, Prince, Liam Gallagher, Jennifer Lopez, Rodney King, Barry Bonds, Dustin Diamond, L. Ron Hubbard, Courtney Love, Ben Affleck, Richard Nixon, Michael Jackson, Joan Rivers, Brittney Spears, Arnold Schwatznegger, Dianne Feinstein, Barbra Streisand, Jane Fonda, Ricki Lake, Whoopi Goldberg, Ryan Seacrest and just about every other piece of work I can think of including myself.

For more reasons why you don’t want to live here Check out "Land of Competition" by Bad Religion or "Californication" by The Chilli Peppers. If I knew how to make a link I would.

That Overweight Balding Astronaut Stole My Flying Car!

Sitting on a 737 on a Phoenix runway waiting out a weather delay I came to realize what little progress I have seen in my life time.

737 Facts:
-The Boeing 737 was designed in 1958 and put into commission in 1965
-A 737 takes off somewhere in the world every 5 seconds
-About 1,250 737s are in the air at any time.
-Conspiracy theorists believe it was actually a 737 and not a 757 that hit the Pentagon on 9/11. (Flt 77 was a 757)

A few hours earlier I had arrived at the airport in a 2007 Ford Taurus rental car which was just as crappy as the 1987 version (which I will discuss in a future blog) and now I was sitting on a plane which has been in the air longer than I have been on the earth. After considerable deliberation, at least five minutes worth, I’ve concluded that the only progress that I have seen in my 30 years of existence is thinner TVs, heated car seats and the internet. In the last 200 years we have seen great leaps in science, engineering and standards of living; so why the sudden slowdown? Is a flying car or a supersonic train that much to ask for? Yes, and here are a few reasons why:

. . . I was about to list some data on how much we spend on weight loss, hair loss and our sorry excuse for space travel when I started watching this testosterone filled Discovery Channel program called Future Weapons. My eyes have been opened. From laser beams to robots, we have found more ways to kill people then calories in a kool-aid stand. With a $400 billion dollar a year budget the pentagon has more money then they know what to do with, they recently reported misplacing $1 Trillion. Sorry Mr. Jetson, your briefcase car is going to have to wait.